you guys were way drunker than both of me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
