So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
