we have officially lost it.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
