i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
