the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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