You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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