Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
