I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
