I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
