So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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