You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
