omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm too high and old for this...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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