You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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