Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I could fuck to npr.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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