my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
