and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize