She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
there is glitter all over my balls
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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