I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
