And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
