mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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