dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
