I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
