I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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