allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
