When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
