she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
