Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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