She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
