i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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