Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
