I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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