I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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