dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
