Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
