She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
