Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
