I got chris browned last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
