You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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