So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
