That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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