My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
