Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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