I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
