do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
