I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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