Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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