He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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