she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
