quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
