At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize