i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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