You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
