you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
