I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
