you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
