nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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