Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
