All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
