in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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