Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
