I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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